Episode 14: Lonely in Lalaland

Will Hadley and Michelle help Lonely find friends in their new town? Do Hadley and Michelle have any friends besides each other? What does finding friends have to do with war tactics? Listen to find out!

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In this episode we also mention Michelle’s friend Andy, who is battling brain cancer. To contribute to funds for his and his children’s care please go to: https://www.gofundme.com/fighting-for-andy

Episode 12: YES!

In this episode Hadley and Michelle explore the many ways in which simply saying YES would improve potential outcomes.

Also referenced in this episode is Molly Bloom’s soliloquy in James Joyce’s Ulysses:

“...and Gibraltar as a girl where I was a Flower of the mountain yes when I put the rose in my hair like the Andalusian girls used or shall I wear a red yes and how he kissed me under the Moorish wall and I thought well as well him as another and then I asked him with my eyes to ask again yes and then he asked me would I yes to say yes my mountain flower and first I put my arms around him yes and drew him down to me so he could feel my breasts all perfume yes and his heart was going like mad and yes I said yes I will Yes.”

Episode 11: Walking on Eggshells

What advice will Hadley and Michelle give someone who has been receiving a dose of uniquely Midwestern passive aggressive behavior? Well, the real question is what advice will Michelle give, because this really isn’t Hadley’s expertise.

Sophia Loren and Jayne Mansfield having a moment.

Sophia Loren and Jayne Mansfield having a moment.

As Jayne Mansfield said, “if you’re doing something wrong, do it big, because the punishment will be the same either way.”

Loren is laying in some serious side eye (a little direct for the Midwestern approach to which we’ve grown accustomed - but passive aggressive all the same). But is side eye actually going to harm Mansfield? Do her career in? No! In fact, that side eye only served to further elevate Mansfield’s Hollywood attention.

In short: smile next to that side eye and liberate those proverbial bosoms.

Episode 10: Lush Lithuanian Lancelot

What will the aunts say to a Lancelot facing off against the ravages of time?

Listen to this episode as we wax autumnal about aging, Dylan Thomas, Dorian Gray, and whether or not we are aging gracefully.

A Portrait of Dorian Gray, painted by Ivan Albright

A Portrait of Dorian Gray, painted by Ivan Albright

Note: Hadley made a mistake she wishes to correct here. The novel of the same name was not the ekphrastic work, the portrait was an ekphrasis of the painting. Oops. Oh, well! Shrug.

Some other vittles from this episode can be found below.

  1. Take a look at Advanced Style

  2. This Dylan Thomas poem, which our friend pointed out was also featured in the film, “Dangerous Minds,” gets a spotlight:

    Do not go gentle into that good night,
    Old age should burn and rave at close of day; 
    Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

    Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
    Because their words had forked no lightning they
    Do not go gentle into that good night.

    Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
    Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
    Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

    Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
    And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
    Do not go gentle into that good night.

    Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
    Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
    Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

    And you, my father, there on that sad height,
    Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
    Do not go gentle into that good night.
    Rage, rage against the dying of the light. 

Episode 9: Questioning Correspondence in Chicago

How will Hadley and Michelle respond to a letter asking about “thank you” emails?

Scrub to minute 19 to find out, as we spend the first 18 minutes and 39 seconds waxing poetic about our cocktails and bitching about everyday sexism.

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This episode reveals how truly neurotic contemporary communication has made us all. We left it almost wanting to return to the days of pen and paper.

Episode 8: Laundry Fairy

What does Mary Tyler Moore's sunken living room have to do with having it all? 

Listen to us MacGyver the Feminine Mystique and find out!

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The reading and watching list from this episode:

  1. Who Does She Think She Is? 
  2. Judy Brady's "I Want a Wife"
  3. Hadley's favorite scene in When Harry Met Sally:  

Episode 7: Damp in Denver

What is the etiquette of the shared laundry space? Will Damp in Denver ever get to dry? And what were Magdalene Laundries? Listen to our latest episode to find out!


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Laundry Room Rules

1. After any load is finished a thirty minute grace period should be given before any intercession and/or removal of clothing from a machine.

2. Any clothing removed from machines must be placed in a clean, dry, safe spot. Ideally a hamper.

3. Under no circumstances interrupt someone's dryer cycle.

4. Don't use someone else's detergent.

5. Empty pockets of food, tissues, and gum.

6. Keep laundry space clean. 

7. Empty your own dryer lint.

8. Under no circumstances run the dryer for someone else without their permission.

9. Respect social cues. Only converse with your neighbor if they seem "into it."

Episode 5: Agony Aunt Histories

When we have a dearth of letters to respond to we end up giving history lessons.

Who are we kidding? We'd end up giving history lessons anyway.

In this episode Hadley and Michelle explore their roots and deliver the origins of the "agony aunt."

Also, we introduce Chimayo. Or, rather, she demands she be introduced.

Music used in this episode is Never Can Stop It, by Lobo Loco, found at the Free Music Archive.

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Aviation Recipe:

  • juice of 1/2 lemon
  • 1.5 oz gin
  • .5 oz creme de violette
  • .5 oz cherry juice or syrup

Shake in a shaker with ice and serve up.

Sources Referenced:

Agony Aunts:

1. https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2009/nov/13/agony-aunts

2. https://www.economist.com/news/christmas-specials/21683985-understand-how-societies-evolveread-problem-pages-whatever-should-i-do


John Dunton and the Athenian Mercury (old af):

1. https://www.theawl.com/2011/03/dear-athenian-mercury-questions-and-answers-from-the-first-advice-column-in-english/

2. https://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2015/05/the-questions-people-asked-advice-columnists-in-the-1690s/392111/


Etymology of "Agony Aunt":

1. https://www.phrases.org.uk/bulletin_board/18/messages/505.html

2. https://wordhistories.net/2017/01/27/agony-column/


First Dear Abby Column (with good and bad advice):

1. https://www.sfgate.com/entertainment/article/How-Dear-Abby-column-started-at-The-Chronicle-3175255.php


Ann Landers/Eppie:

1. Bringing in expert outside advice (S.C. justice Douglas): http://articles.chicagotribune.com/2005-02-20/features/0502200557_1_new-ann-landers-ruth-crowley-chicago-sun-times


Ann Landers's Chicago Sun-Times Interview:

1. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ask_Ann_Landers


Twin Feud: 

1. https://jwa.org/thisweek/jul/04/1918/ann-landers-and-abigail-van-buren 


Xinran (China/UK):

1. http://www.radiolistings.co.uk/programmes/w/wo/words_on_the_night_breeze.html

2. Good Women of China: https://books.google.com/books?id=8I8woHGtg_8C&printsec=frontcover&dq=the+good+women+of+china+excerpt&hl=en&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwiAoKPn2rPaAhWI8YMKHWwuD0wQ6AEIKTAA#v=onepage&q&f=false


Cheryl Strayed/"Dear Sugar":

1. http://therumpus.net/sections/dear-sugar/

2. http://therumpus.net/2010/06/dear-sugar-the-rumpus-advice-column-41-like-an-iron-bell/

Episode 4: Helpless in Phoenix

Can Helpless remain friends with the woman with whom they had a sexting affair? 

Also, how does modern-day sexting hold up when compared to smutty letters from lovers of yore? 




Some copy from the sexy letters: 

Henry VIII to Anne Boleyn:

this shall be to advertise you
of the great elengeness that I find here
since your departing ; for, I ensure you
methinketh the time longer since
your departing now last, than I was
wont to do a whole fortnight. I think
your kindness and my fervency of love
causeth it ; for, otherwise, I would not
have thought it possible that for so
little a while it should have grieved
me. But now that I am coming to-
wards you, methinketh my pains be
half removed ; and also I am right well
comforted in so much that my book
maketh substantially for my matter;
in looking whereof I have spent above
four hours this day, which causeth me
now to write the shorter letter to you
at this time, because of some pain in
my head; wishing myself (especially
an evening) in my sweetheart’s arms,
whose pretty dukkys I trust shortly
to kiss.

Written by the hand of him that
was, is, and shall be yours by his own


James Joyce to Nora Barnacle:

Noretta mia!
I got your pitiful letter this evening telling me you were going about without underclothes. I did not get 200 crowns on the 25th but only 50 crowns and 50 again on the 1st. Enough about money. I send you a little banknote and hope you may be able to buy a pretty frilly pair of drawers at least for yourself out of it and will send you more when I am paid again. I would like you to wear drawers with three or four frills one over the other at the knees and up the thighs and great crimson bows in them, I mean not the schoolgirls’ drawers with a thin shabby lace border, tight round the legs and so thin that the flesh shows between them but women’s (or if you prefer the word) ladies’ drawers will a full loose bottom and wide legs, all frills and lace and ribbons, and heavy with perfume so that whenever you show them, whether in pulling up your clothes hastily to do something or in cuddling yourself up prettily to be blocked, I can see only a swelling mass of white stuff and frills and so that when I bend down over you to open them and give you a burning lustful kiss on your naughty bare bum I can smell the perfume of your drawers as well as the warm odour of your cunt and the heavy smell of your behind…

O, I am so anxious to get your reply, darling!

Henry Miller to Anais Nin: 

I picture you playing the records over and over—Hugo's records. "Parlez moi d amour." The double life, double taste, double joy and misery. How you must be furrowed and ploughed by it. I know all that, but I can't do anything to prevent it. I wish indeed it were me who had to endure it. I know now your eyes are wide open. Certain things you will never believe anymore, certain gestures you will never repeat, certain sorrows, misgivings, you will never again experience. A kind of white criminal fervor in your tenderness and cruelty. Neither remorse nor vengeance, neither sorrow nor guilt. A living it out, with nothing to save you from the abysm but a high hope, a faith, a joy that you tasted, that you can repeat when you will. 



And, perhaps most importantly, tell us how you feel about Cotes de Provence! Oui? Non? Peut etre? 

Episode 1: A Hurt Friend

What will the Agony Aunts say to a letter writer whose long-time friend is ditching him for a Republican?

We have no intro yet, we didn't make a soft exit, all our audio files got corrupted and our editing system crashed, and there's a spot in the middle when you can't even hear what Michelle is saying, but this is a home-grown affair, and we're still some charming gals to spend twenty minutes with!

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